i remember

I remember

I remember when my days were filled with pain,

still living in the ruins of my past.

I remember joyous occasions; of new life, wonder,

the milestones marked, and the love of family,

diminished by loneliness, my constant companion,

and the numbing sorrow of being unloved.

I remember how it felt, to not want to feel,

and how sad it was to always be sad.

I remember, so I never have to go back,

only ahead, willing to live,to learn, to love.

I Remember

Gone Again

Gone Again

So, again you're gone from my life,
gone like a thief in the night.
You get to hide in numbness,
I get to live with your lies.

Over and over again I believe,
over and over again I'm deceived.
How many times can I let you in,
so you can carelessly let me down?

You tell me how hard it is out there,
as if I didn't have any clue.
You tell me I don't really understand,
So different and unique, oh that's you.

I miss you today, but I'm angry too.
I still struggle, but manage to muddle thru.
You just give up, it's too much for you,
And the hell with everyone who's been there,
Doing everything they could to help you.

I have to let you go all over again,
even though it hurts more every time.
But it is really you who lets me go;
You always chose to leave us all behind.

I will keep on, facing every day and hoping
that soon you will see the easy way is the hardest.
That what I have is worth the work
And that the promises really can come true.

and the fog has lifted

Rain falls in an uneven pitter patter from a dozen or more trees,
and the fog makes the world seem a blank canvas.
An eerie squeak from the ropes of a hammock
joins the comforting soundof the midnight waves meeting the shore.

An unfamilar feeling washes over meas I fall into myself,
and into the the comfort of my solitude.
I am finally at home in my own skin,
in my heart and my mind, and most amazingly,
I am at home in this world I cannot even see.

Your Face

Why did it hurt so much to see your face,
to look into your eyes and see the depth of your pain?
Your face said so much, It was like looking into your soul.
I could see the hopelessness, I could see you were lost.

I wanted to comfort you But I didn't know how.
I was afraid of your sorrow, Knowing it as I know my own.
Still today your face haunts me.
My heart tells me I will lose you, As you are lost to yourself.,

And the anguish awakens my own demons.
I have been where you are, Emptiness overwhelming all else;
Afraid to move on, afraid to look back, Wanting only to be done with it all.
My heart aches for you And for the part of me I hide away.

It hurt so much to see your face, because I saw my own.